Every moment of my life...From Past Till Now...

Monday, April 30, 2012

Another semester gone, and the cycle repeats itself all over again...

Although I can safely say I have the never-ending company of family and friends all around me, why is it that I feel alone, empty sometimes? I feel like going to the rooftop and just shouting out my problems out to the world, but who will hear? Here I am writing a blog entry, but it's for my eyes only. After all, this blog has remained "inactive" for a while, and that is just how I'd like it to be. I remember a time when I used to write for the sake of showing off, and in the hopes people read and comment on my blog. Now, it's more of a personal affair. A diary of sorts, where I can pen down my deepest thoughts and desires.

Time really does fly when you're having fun, and fun I had this past semester. It might only have been a week since school ended, but I miss the lot already. All of them.

Last week itself has been so eventful. Not to mention that terrible incident at Pandan involving some absent-minded baboon. But that aside, KL trip with the girls has been such a wonderful experience. And the fact that they appreciated me for taking care of them makes me all fuzzy inside. It feels good to be appreciated you know. So back at them, they were the best travelling buddies a guy could ask for. They would probably never read this entry, but they know...

1st official Monday of the holidays, with me all alone at home. Maybe this is why I feel alone and empty? Coz I am freaking alone at home!!! It's times like these when I feel like just going out and doing something. I wont even mind going to school to study!

I've been listening to this song by Exists over and over again for the past few weeks. Somehow, its lyrics resonate with me and I can truly relate to it. Have a look...

Siapalah aku ini untuk
Memintal buih yang memutih
Menjadi permaidani seperti mana
Yang tertulis dalam novel cinta...

Juga mustahil bagiku
Menggapai bintang di langit
Menjadikan hantaran syarat untuk milikimu semua itu
Sungguh aku tak termampu...

Silap aku juga
Kerana jatuh cinta
Insan sepertimu
Seanggun bidadari

Seharusnya aku cerminkan diri
Ku sebelum tirai kamar aku
Buka mengintaimu...

Especially the 4th stanza, it mentions the singer's mistake, for being in love with such a perfect girl in the first place. I feel you bro, i feel you...

I have this feeling inside, that I will never get married. It's frightening, but just look at me. I can't even gather the courage to tell the girl I like about my feelings. And listening to these jiwang songs, I feel that I'll never be good enough for any of them.

While in school, I see almost everyday. Her smiles just never fails to melt my heart, and when I'm around her, why does it seem only the mundane things come out of my mouth? "How's school?" "Done ur essay yet?"... For goodness sake change the topic man! Ask her some personal questions for a change, and who knows, one day, she'll agree to go out on a date with you.

Easier said than done bro...

What's the use? Nobody going to see this post anyway, just like how nobody is going to see the contents of my heart.

It's not easy you know, being the one guy in class. I'm only human, and sooner or later Im bound to fall for one of them, or two, or more, and I already have. And it's painful not being able to share my feelings freely. I'm a ticking time bomb. This day tomorrow, I might implode or self-destruct.

And seriously boy, you must stop all these infatuations. First it was BB, now her!? Yes, she was an awesome travelling buddy, but she's got a guy waiting for her. Plus, she's Miss Popular!!! Who the fuck are you? You're such a lazy ass you couldnt even be bothered to join a CCA!

Goodness, it's been a while since I've blogged this long. Writing this much and not having anyone read it seems like a waste of time. Maybe I'd let my 2 smoking buddies have a read, I'm sure it'll be an excellent conversation piece when I ask them out for a chill out session.

I've got tonnes more things to write, but no matter. I've got 2-3 months to slowly write them all. And please God, I sincerely hope the IPT sessions will help me lose some weight. I just want to return to my Poly body shape.

.....

frm past till now at-
9:47 AM