Every moment of my life...From Past Till Now...

Sunday, May 06, 2012

Well, as much as I would like to make my blog free for all, it's kinda creepy when you have a stalker...

Just gives me the shivers. I just feel like screaming at her face, get the fuck out of my life! But then again, it's not my nature, and it isnt nice to do such things. So I did what needed to be done, privatise my blog.

Sad though, I didn't mind some of closest friends to have a read, but I don't want to take the risk. Especially with all the private details in here.

So FINALLY, here and now, I can safely say, this is my own personal diary. FOR MY EYES ONLY!!!

News Flash! Ezyanti just posted the KL road trip pictures up on facebook... like finally girl. After 2 weeks?... Better late than never.

But seriously, I had great fun during the trip, and I would do it again if given the opportunity. Which is why, in about 2 weeks time, I'm going there AGAIN! This time with ajay and benin, in benin's manual car. It'll be a different experience I imagine, travelling with guys now instead with girls. We'll see how it goes. Hope it turns out as well as my trip with the wonder girls.

It feels good being about to pen down my thoughts and emotions, more so now that no one will actually get to see it. Which means I really get to be open and free. So look out dear diary. Things are about to get more personal...

frm past till now at-
10:33 PM

Saturday, May 05, 2012

I woke up today realising something. While I might have random crushes and infatuations, I know that one fact is certain....

I really like BB...

I really do...

frm past till now at-
1:34 PM

I stand corrected...

While this blog isn't private (...yet), I think it'd be best if no one knows about it. (except for a selected few that is...)

The link from my facebook account has been removed. And... well... that's about it for now. I doubt anyone will know unless I choose to tell them. So I hope, this blog can serve its rightful purpose as my personal diary.

And if you're reading this, I've done some amendments to certain posts, so sorry, you're too late...

I might even consider adding a password pretty soon... maybe...

frm past till now at-
3:44 AM

Friday, May 04, 2012

This blog isn't private. There's no security passwords, no firewall, not a tinge of privacy settings. In fact, there's even a link from my facebook account. So nope, it's not private. All are welcome to read. But be warned, some of the stuffs can indeed be depressing, because it contains some of the darkest and most hidden part of myself. So read at your own discretion, and do yourself a favour. There's no need to reply, comment or post anything after reading my blog. While your intentions might be noble, trust me, save yourself the trouble. If anyone does comment or offer me advice, with all sincerity I do appreciate it. I just don't want people to trouble themselves.

I shouldn't be worried if the class reads all this. In fact, I doubt they even know of its existence, considering Ive never mentioned a single of word about it to anyone of them. Unless they are so free to rummage through my facebook account for the link. But nah, I don't think so, and I sure hope not so too...

I've got nicknames for everyone in class I think... But I were to note them all here it would be obvious who's who. So nope, i shall keep these to myself.

I might have explained this before, and in person I've explained it to my buddies countless times. But for the record, I think I shall pen one entry about it here once and for all.

Currently, I am in a small class of 10. And unlike other specializations, this year's Malay cohort is so small that we see everyone for practically every single class. Out of the 10, I happen to be the ONLY guy. Lucky you say? More like a double-edged sword.

Alhamdulillah, our personalities all seem to click, and I know for a fact that if no shit happens, there will hardly be a conflict, because we all seem to gel together. There's no one extreme wacko, no one extreme loner. Everyone just goes along well with everybody. Did you know last semester the whole lot of us went USS, and we had a BLAST!!!

So question is, if we mix around so well, why can't I just approach the girl I like? It's not easy. To establish and maintain in-class relationships, or at least that's how I think. I'm a very logical and rational person by nature, and every small nitty gritty things I do I will think over it first. Being a small class, and being the only guy, things are as delicate as it is. But God has been so kind to bless me with the company of 9 girls, all of whom I have no problem interacting with. And for this I am so thankful. I truly appreciate the friendship God has blessed upon me. And the way I see, I don't want to do anything to jeopardise this.

I'm only in 1st year, coming to 2nd. I have 3 more years with these wonderful girls. Which means 3 more years for me to get to know them, and for them to get to know me... I'm in no hurry to be in a relationship or anything, so I shall let time and God decides. Kalau dah sememangnya takdir, ia akan terjadi. Jika tidak, satu hari nanti, sang gadis idaman hati akan muncul jua.

I must reiterate, after reading this, keep your thoughts and comments to yourself yah. Save yourself the trouble of having to write one long essay, and in turn I'd also not need to think of a response.

First IPT session yesteday. Took my IPPT for the 1st time in donkey years. I failed, no surprises there. But I must say I felt good after that workout. I felt fresh... Am so looking forward for my next training on Tuesday. Bye-bye fats and hello my lean mean muscles.

frm past till now at-
11:05 AM

Wednesday, May 02, 2012

2nd post in one day...

Like I said before, writing keeps me sane. If not for it, I think my brain would go dead soon. It's only week 2 of my 3 month long school break, so I've got to do something to keep myself occupied. After all, Mr Lazy Ass here couldn't even get off his fat bum to go join a CCA, or some school activity... Then again, what's new?

Looking through the KL pictures in my phone really makes me miss them even more. I know they're just a phonecall, sms or fb msg away, but I just don't know what to say. The cliche "Hows ur holidays so far" seems like an obvious choice, but its only the 2nd week. That said, from what I see on fb and twitter, I'm guessing they must be dying of boredom as I am. Oh well, at least I've got IPT to do.

Anyway, I realised I haven't posted a picture here in such a long time, I mean donkey years. So I might as well upload some KL pics here, to remind me of the fun times I had with the girls. That said, they have yet to post the pictures of our trip yet, either on FB or blog or tumblr. Maybe there's something they want to hide? Or it could just be they have yet to find the time? ... (There you go again boy, overthinking things...)

The view from my room. Being the nice guy, I took the smallest room of the apartment. But in return I had the best view. Jealous much girls?...

My car... I wish. I kinda like driving. Not so in heavy traffic but overall, I enjoy driving. It has always been something I dreamt of doing a kid, and now, I CAN DRIVE! Praises to God on that...

Of course, what's a trip to KL without going to the KLCC. Taken from the 86th floor. Here, I learn that my friend has a rather extreme fear of heights. We all have our phobias. Mine? It's for me to know and for you to find out...

Memorable trip it was. And the first of its kind for me. The first time I'm driving across the causeway. The first time I'm travelling abroad with a group of girls. The first time I'm alone as the only guy (Then again, what's new here too? I've pretty much been the only "something" in most of my class/groups)

Being the only guy in a group of 3 girls in a foreign land away from home really brought out the brotherly instinct in me. When in public, I can't help but turn my head every few steps to ensure all 3 girls were accounted for. So much so I would ask them to walk ahead, even though they don't know the way. I really felt like the provider in this trip, driving them safely and ensuring I don't lose my cool in KL hectic traffic. Back at the apartment, I even bought breakfast for them, and it makes me happy knowing they appreciated what I did.

Like I said before, it really does make me feel good knowing others appreciating what I did for them. So people, it doesn't hurt to say thank you, even if the person's contribution is small. At the end of day, your gratitude to them might go a long way.

Another long lengthy post... for my eyes only. And at the rate I'm writing, with all the private details here and there, I'd better be the other one reading...

I hope...

frm past till now at-
9:51 PM

I've decided to keep on this blogging gig... I've realised, writing keeps me sane.

After all, these posts are for my eyes only. But if any straddlers were to stumble on this post, be warned. There's really nothing much to see.

Labour day yesterday, had a unique experience at Istana Open House with ajay. Then dinner with ashraf and ajay at whereelse but spize bedok.

Ajay's going strong with his girlfriend, in spite of all that has happened before, with her father and all. Really pround of my bro. To me, if he can endure and come out strong from such an ordeal, there's nothing stopping him from weathering any storm. I'm now just waiting for the wedding invite.

As for me, still single, still forever alone. Don't get me wrong I'm fine with it. But everytime I reply "I'm still single" to a "Are you attached?" question, I can't help but detect a tinge of pain in my voice. Who in this world doesnt want companionship? But while I never has an issue being around girls, it's the "asking her out" part that gets to me. I see myself as a confident young man who has no qualms speaking to a large audience. Give me a mic and I can even give a lecture to an entire school without battling an eyelid. But somehow, especially when it comes to the girl that I like, my mind seems to be scrambling for the right words to say. Now at age 23, I have improved. But I have my fair share of "slap my forehead" moments.

Just this monday a girl friend called asking about school postings. While she's asking all I could muster replying were one-liners. "Hmm", "Ah-ah", "Yes", "Yup"... and to top things off, I ended the call with a melancholic "Bye.......". *Slaps forehead... I mean, the least I could do was ask how was she, how was her day, was she out or at home... Sigh. *Slaps forehead again.

But thinking back, I think I didnt want to act out of the ordinary. My replies were what a friend should have given. Simple and direct. But to go on and on about "Hows ur day" kinda thing might be borderline flirting. After all, she is Miss Popular. I dare say that if given the chance to know her, any guy will fall head over heels for her. Which is why I try to keep a leveled head. Although I spend a great deal of time with her in school, I know that at the end of the day, she's out of my league and I would never have a chance. Plus, I must remind myself who has stolen my heart first... BB.

Maybe I'm just overthinking this. And overthinking is one of my many flaws. Oh well, I shall let this matter rest.

Writing about Miss Popular and BB has sparked me to write on something... The girls in my life. There's alot, so it would most probably be a series. Good, good... I'll have something to do the next few days.

Writing does keep me sane...

frm past till now at-
1:16 PM