Every moment of my life...From Past Till Now...

Sunday, December 02, 2012

It's time like these when I wish I was not at home. I wish I was out. I need a break from all this. I love my family, but I sometimes wish I was alone, away from them.

Not family is perfect. Including mine. But I'm up to my neck having to deal with the same old shit all over again.

Communication. A family needs this to thrive and prosper. We are lacking it. In fact, at times, I dare say we have none.

A father is supposed to be the head of the family. My dad is, of sorts. He works hard for his money and ensuring theres food on the table and a roof over our heads. But thats it. He thinks his role stops there. C'mon dad, this isnt the 50s. Be a man, the leader we can all look up to. Be a fucking man goddammit. Whenever theres a conflict in the house, you choose to keep quiet. In fact, I've never seen you open ur mouth, to offer advice or words of encouragement all this 24 yrs of my life. Never once have u congratulated me for all my success. I work hard to get where I am, and you barely even know what I do in school. You've got to change dad. I'm a man, and over the years alhamdulillah I've trained myself, not to sway and deviate, and to be the ideal son to u and mom. I've trained myself to be strong hearted, and not regret ur 'inactions'. But does it hurts to just praise ur son for his effort once in a while. To let him know how u appreaciate his work, how u are proud of his academic achievement. To tell him u love him. I am a man, I am your son, but I am only human.

I fear without communication, this family will break apart. Already are signs of shattering. I know I should something... As a son, as a brother, but I fear as the saying goes, Like Father like Son... Thanks dad, for making me a pussy like you.

I have to stay strong. I was shy and timid as a kid, but I've trained myself to be confident. Gone are the days of stuttering. I can now hold myself up high, but without the support of family, how far can I go?

I feel like going away, far away from all this madness. Its making me insane. Im barely holding by a thread. I too, need someone to talk to...

In this moment of dire need, I look to Allah. I pray that u give me strength to carry on. Eradicate this feeling of hate, anguish and despair in my heart. Instead replace it with your taufik and hidayah, for I barely need your guidance Ya Rahim.

Amin...

Writing does keep me sane...

But for how long.

frm past till now at-
8:46 PM