Every moment of my life...From Past Till Now...

Saturday, July 16, 2016

Have been meaning to write something down here for a while actually, but time it seems, has not been my friend.

Life is indeed, very weird...

I don't understand life sometimes. The more I try to understand it, the more I get confused, angry, frustrated. It seems, now more than ever, I have alot to events happening, that makes me question life even more. Why, why is this happening to me?

Why do You choose to do this to me?

Why do you not cast upon others the same tests you have been putting me through?

Why does it seem, You have blessed others with aplenty, but leave me with none?

If this is to be my path, then i accept it. But please Lord, all I ask if for the strength to carry on. Because I cannot do this anymore.

I am just sick and tired. The light at the end of the tunnel it seems, is diminishing from my sight. I don't know how long more I can hold on. I tell myself I am strong, I tell myself that all will alright in the end, But will it? I fear for my own sanity. I fear for my own life. I fear the worst.

If not for my faith and the love from those around me, I would have ended this a long time ago. But what good would that do? All I would have caused is pain and suffering, for those who truly loved me. I will never even think of putting them through this pain. And because of this, here I am, alive... But for how much longer? I ask Him sometimes, to take me sooner rather than later... I don't think my heart can take it anymore.

I am trying my very best, not to show any emotion. But it seems, I am a man who wears his feelings on his sleeve. My face is an open book...

I am sad, devastated even, to see her leave. But I accept that this is fate, something pre-ordained. I am powerless to stop it, just as I have been powerless to stop all that has happened this past few months.

Where will I find another angel like you? It took me 28 years to find you, and now, I have to let you go.

I am not as fortunate when it comes to friends. I mean, I have alot of friends, because of my personality (or so I think...) But they never seem to stay. They all leave me alone in the end...

Why? Why this again?

I can't do this anymore.

Correction: Life is not weird... Life is cruel.

frm past till now at-
10:38 PM