Every moment of my life...From Past Till Now...

Sunday, July 31, 2016

We all have our different ways of dealing with our many issues in life...

I always find comfort and solace in soaking in the emptiness of the night. People might not understand why I choose to travel out at odd hours of the night, parking myself in a secluded area, away from the madness of the world, all by myself, accompanied only by the stillness of the night. I will look up upon the night sky, and gaze admirably at the stars and the moon. Such is the marvel of His wonders...

I am glad you also find comfort by gazing up at the night sky and looking up at the stars... Yes, they were exceptionally beautiful last night.

Retreating myself into isolation might not be the best solution. In fact, some might even frown upon it. But it is the best way, or rather, the only way I know how to heal myself. This week has been so difficult, both on the mind, body and soul... I tried my best to hide it from the world. But as you pointed out, it seems, the world knows...

Writing it out here does help... When I read back at the previous entries, I will force me to reflect, think back, and thereafter make a conscious effort to change.

I cant seem find peace at home. At home, I take on many responsibilities. A son, a brother... I give so much care to the people around me I have none left for myself. And it pains, at times, despite all my efforts, I am unappreciated...

In school, I shower so much love and care to those around me too, irregardless of who they are or what they have done. In the end, what is there left for me?

Which is why, at least once in a while, I retreat myself into the emptiness of the night. It is my own way, of healing, of recharging... Of pressing the reset button...

You asked me to love and forgive myself first... Believe me I am trying my best. The evil whispers in my heart always prove to me otherwise, that I am not worthy of forgiveness and love. Many a times I have wished myself gone from the world, but you taught me that there is so much more to live for. You taught me to stay strong and brave. You showed me that I mean so much more.

Like you, I also wish upon the stars... Wishes do come true sometimes, so please never stop wishing and hoping...

I am trying my best, please believe when I say it... I just need help sometimes. We all do...

I wish that my tears will just flow, rather than hiding up in my eyes... It is so painful. Just cry already. Real men do cry...

frm past till now at-
3:49 PM